The outdoor arena is great and should be no big deal. Shiraz is actually doing quite well. She is only a little up, but can relax and walk with a long stride or stand still (which never happened once the entire time at barn#1). In the trot though she gets very up and is thinking 'canter now?' the entire time.
But the problem is not her. Its me. My last ride was completely uneventful and Shiraz obliged with walk/trot circles and over poles without any spooks at all. Except the entire time my heart was pounding out of my chest.
Really I know I just need to rebuild the good experiences to tip the scale back in balance. There were a lot of stressful moments riding-wise these past few months with Shiraz showing some serious ninja moves during spooks. I also know from past experience that stress from my life usually spills over to cause riding anxiety, and ya, things have been pretty stressful.
 |
| Proof to myself that I can toodle around a xc field and live <3 |
I almost decided to cancel my entry in the derby, but... I know it doesn't take much to tip my confidence back in a more positive direction. A few great jumps on the xc field can go a long way for making me remember I can ride and that riding is fun. So, I am making a plan to halt this downward slide.
First, I need to remind myself just how green Shiraz is and how amazing she is doing already. Comparisons are my friend in this case; it took me two and a half years to get Savvy and myself to the point of being able to go to a derby. Shiraz went to her first derby 10 months into training under saddle and killed it.
Second, I have to try and focus on positives in training and remember how great it is to work on the details and problem solve while riding. I'm so caught up in being mad at myself for being nervous that it translates into frustration and disappointment. I am going to try to acknowledge my fear but then redirect my thoughts to actual training. If I am stuck at the walk because of anxiety, then I'll just work on something at the walk and make it the best walk it can be (and fix my position while I'm at it).
Well, that is what I'm hoping to try today anyways. :)
I like your attitude ;) confidence issues are the freakin worst but the only way past them is by going thru. If it makes you feel any better, my confidence absolutely plummeted right around the time that Charlie started to “get it.” It was like we putzed around through all the basic baby stuff nbd, but then once he kinda had a clue and started really moving forward, I started feeling much shakier. Maybe bc it felt like it was getting real? Bc we were actually going forth at greater speed and jumping bigger things, but the horse still felt so green omg and kinda unpredictable? I dunno. It was a rough patch, basically exactly this time of year last year. It gets better tho!! Good luck prepping for the derby and keep up the good attitude!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. My confidence can take a dive so quickly. Hopefully these rough patches of mine will get fewer and farther between as we keep chugging along and her training progresses!
DeleteFear is such an evil beast- it can sneak in without our even realizing it! I think your plan to do what you can do and then go from there is a good one. Negative self-talk does not help. Look at 'Brain Training for Riders' it's a very good book on this topic.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the book tip!
Deletego and have fun. I feel like throwing up when I go Cross country in anyway LOL but always always FEEL better after doing it (whether a Derby, a schooling or a hack across the field). Something about being in the open makes me feel SO much better and less like vomiting LOL! :) And I am often so nervous in our ring at the current barn I am at because its near a driveway and cars zoom up and down behind the trees. Remus is not real spooky but every once in a while he can do a spin. And I am always waiting for it in that ring. isnt it funny by going out in a field and popping over some logs I feel better? But an enclosed space, heart starts pounding. So just have fun :) I feel you and know what you mean totally!
ReplyDeleteya, you're awesome. thank you :)
DeleteThat's too bad you're caught up in worrying. Sounds like you have a lot of other stress and it's amazing how stress from other parts of your life seeps into riding and training, the very thing that should relax and calm you. Maybe if you can't fix the other life stuff and if general anxiety leads to riding anxiety, start doing some yoga or meditation or simple cognitive behavior therapy to help change your thought patterns? It's so easy to get caught up in that worrying cycle, you have my sympathy...
ReplyDeleteAwww, we've all been there. I was like that for a long time as well- did well at shows and off-property excursions, but at home I was a nervous wreck.
ReplyDeleteI hope the Derby went well!